Close relationships are something most people yearn for, but those in a romantic relationship know they take much more work to sustain than you initially expect. In episode 4, Lianne & Corey discuss the importance of knowing and loving yourself, understanding your values and deal-breakers, and bringing the best version of you into your relationships.
Discovering your love language, and how learning to speak your partner's, can keep their "love tank" full and enrich your lives together. Our hosts then interview love and relationship expert and creator of the 36 questions that lead to love, Dr. Arthur Aron.
Backed by scientific research and a 50+ year-long happy marriage of his own, Dr. Aron shares advice on how to build strong, passionate relationships. He covers how to prepare yourself for a new relationship if you're single, and for couples, how to keep your relationship fresh exciting once that "new love" phase wears off.
In this down-to-earth episode, you'll learn a bunch of new tools to mindfully improve your relationships, no matter what your relationship status on Facebook.
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Get To The Point
0:32 What to Expect Summary of Episode 4
1:13 Quick Quote By Gary Chapman
1:38 Focus On... Relationships. Learn how loving yourself lets you better love and be loved by others
3:05 Be the Best You Know your values and deal-breakers to bring the best version of you into your relationship
5:41 Digging Deeper Love Languages. How can knowing yours improve your relationship?
8:04 Expert Interview Dr. Arthur Aaron on what research says about finding love and strengthening relationships.
40:41 Interview Digestion Key takeaways from interview
43:46 Take It Further Recommended books, films, and apps
Happiness in a relationship requires first being happy within yourself. A deep, internal dissatisfaction could be behind negative patterns in your past relationships. By loving ourselves, we can better receive the love of others and also share our love in return.
Knowing yourself and understanding your values, deal-breakers, and responses to difficult situations help to bring the best version of yourself into a relationship and builds the confidence to openly communicate with your partner.
Love Languages were originally identified in Gary Chapman's iconic book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, which we recommend so you can effectively speak your partner's love language and keep their "love tank" full. You can even take an online test to quickly determine your primary love language. Chapman has also written books on love languages specifically for children, teens, singles, men, workplaces, and the military.
Key Interview Takeaways
- Both partners having good communication and conflict management skills are a huge factor in whether a relationship is going to work.
- Dr. Aron's 36 Questions That Lead to Love were created to measure closeness. They have been known to make couples fall in love but can also be used to strengthen existing relationships and friendships. The questions take about 45 minutes to complete.
- Playing hard to get is not a good idea. People want to feel liked and connected. Play hard to get for others, but not for your partner.
- The biggest effect on the quality of a relationship is who you are. Work on yourself becoming as physically and mentally healthy as you can before looking for love.
- To strengthen relationships, try tools like meditating together, learning to manage stress, or training like pre-marital, marital enrichment, or communication skills courses.
- In a conflict, try to stand back and take the perspective of a third person who cares about you (both parties should do this).
- Try to build long-lasting friendships with other couples.
- To keep relationships exciting after the new love feeling wears off, research has found it helps to find new and exciting things to do together and to celebrate your partner's successes.
- Appreciate differences in your partner and notice how they can benefit you.
- If you're a Highly Sensitive Person, or in a relationship with an HSP, watch the movie and documentary Dr. Arthur Aron created with his wife, Dr. Elaine Aron.
Connect With Dr. Arthur Aron
State University of New York at Stony Brook
As a highly accomplished educator and academic writer, Arthur's research into personal relationships has widely impacted the field of psychology. He received his Bachelors degree from Berkeley in 1967, followed by a PhD in social psychology from the University of Toronto in 1970. He is widely recognized outside academic circles as the creator of the 36 questions that lead to love and has enjoyed over 50 years of marriage to his wife, Dr. Elaine Aron.